Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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