I met the friendliest cop last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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