he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
