"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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