Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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