I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
