You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
