Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
