just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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