just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize