Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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