Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
