yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize