I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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