Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
