I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
