My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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