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• (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

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• (254): View more from Texas

  his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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• (408): View more from California

  that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence

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• (805): View more from California

  Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...

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