i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
