That's when you crack a 10am beer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
