omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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