i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize