I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
