You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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