Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
