I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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