after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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