you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize