Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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