Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
