one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize