We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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