No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
