haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize