I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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