Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
