Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
