Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
