dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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