I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
