This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
