It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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