I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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