Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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