What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
