So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
