Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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