he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize