She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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