they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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