apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
