.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
