Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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