you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
