I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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