Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
