He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
