She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
