Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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