she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
