2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize