better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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