Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize