I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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