You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
