so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
