you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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