i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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